My mistakes and how I learned to handle it

As a safety in women’s professional tackle football, everyone noticed when I missed a tackle.

Unlike a lineman who might make a mistake that only a handful of people recognize, my mistakes were public. If I took a poor angle, overcommitted, or missed an open-field tackle, it often meant the opposing player gained huge yardage or worse, crossed the goal line.

My teammates noticed. Most encouraged me with a pat on the butt, yet there was always that loan voice and the one I paid attention to who yelled ‘do your job’. I hated that trust with my teammates was impacted.

The crowd noticed. I assume there were choice comments flying between fans, ‘she sucks, put #40 back in,’ was sometimes an automatic negative thought.

My coach noticed, and rightly so, I heard about it when I returned to the sidelines. After a big miss, I dreaded reliving the moment during team film session.

Missed tackles happen. There was no hiding. No replaying the moment wishing it hadn’t happened. The scoreboard didn’t care how frustrated I was. And, yes, my teammates needed me on the very next play. Lingering in that pain was useless.

Mistakes happen everywhere

Missteps and errors occur in every area of life. When I worked in television years ago, we kept a ‘blooper’ reel, adding to it nearly every day when one of us made a mistake. Those blunders landed in front of thousands of households each night during the newscast and kept us laughing at each other for years.

Suffice it to say, lessons coming from a missed tackle in football or a misspoken word on a live shot applies to all of life-business, leadership, relationships, parenting, coaching, friendships, even daily interactions with strangers.

Recently, I sent out my monthly newsletter. Almost immediately, the phone call arrived.

“You have a typo in your opening paragraph.”

“I think you meant…”

“There’s another grammatical error…”

“You need to fix this before other people see this.”

“Correct this so you are not seen as incompetent.”

By then, however, it was too late.

More than a thousand people already received it. The “Send” button had been pushed. There was no magical “undo” button. There was no going back, correcting it, sending it out again. You can’t do that with an email newsletter.

How the mistake happened

It was late at night. I was tired and I rushed to finish getting the newsletter ready to go out. I overlooked details and made several mistakes. Thus, I had a choice.

I could spend the rest of the day criticizing myself. Or I could learn once again from my multiple errors.

The real damage isn’t the mistake

Most mistakes are not what derail us. It is our response to the mistakes which disturb our state of mind. Our mind has an amazing ability to turn one mistake into an identity statement.

• I always screw things up.
• I’m not detail oriented.
• People probably think I’m incompetent.
• I’ll never get this right.

These are what we call automatic negative thoughts or ANT’s-those immediate interpretations that feel true but often are not correct judgements. These ANT’s are inaccurate and sometimes bold sweeping statements digging at self and making assumptions about others.

The mistake happens in seconds, a moment, or an evening. This negative thinking can last for hours, days, months, or even years. I know adults who continue to relive a moment with deep regret 20-30 years later.

I am telling you, this is an enormous waste of emotional and mental energy.

How to manage mistakes instead

The athletes I work with from high school competitors to professionals still make mistakes. It is normal. The difference is they recover and reset faster.

The best quarterback still throws interceptions.

The best hitter in baseball fails nearly 70% of the time.

Michael Jordan famously missed game winning shots and lost games because he trusted himself enough to take the final play. Those failures didn’t define him. Instead, these mistakes became part of his fuel and process which produced who many consider the goat of basketball (including me).

The best golfer still misses short putts and sends a t-shot off into left field.

Did you hear what back-to-back Master’s winner Rory McIlroy said recently after missing shot in the Genesis Scottish Open, ‘I’m so bad at golf’. And, get this, he finished the round six under par bringing his overall total to twelve under at that point. Yeah, he is horrible!

But do you see how even the best of the best have these ANT’s? It is normal!

Elite performers don’t eliminate mistakes. They eliminate the amount of time they spend living and dwelling in them. They take ownership, focus objectively, ask different questions, think different thoughts, and generate different feelings.

Instead of:

“I suck, what is wrong with me?”

They ask:

• What factually happened?
• What can I learn from this situation?
• What needs to change or improve?
• What’s my next move?

Owning it and objectively looking at the mistake changes everything.

My four-step mistake reset

After this public mistake, I aimed to follow these four simple steps I teach my clients:

1. Just Own It.

No excuses. Take responsibility. The quicker this happens, the easier it is to reset and overcome.

No blaming people or circumstances.

I was weary and rushed late at night. It is an explanation, but no excuse!

No pretending it didn’t happen!

2. Learn From It.

Every mistake contains information you need. This data could be things to change, things to keep, and things to stop. Evaluate those items and identify specifics to address.

Did you force it? Rush it like I did?

Did you skip your normal process?

Unprepared? How come?

Distracted? By what? What can you change? How can you get better?

Emotional? How do you protect your mood?

What did you do well even though the mistake occurred?

The mistake is pointing toward something that needs attention and modification.

3. Adjust.

A client gave me a plaque for my office which says, ‘Do not be afraid of change, Be afraid of not changing’. Boom!

Learning or gathering information without changing is simply collecting knowledge. The whole point here of evaluating a mistake is to transform!

Find a solid system of support and accountability towards change increasing the likelihood of you achieving your goals.

Practice your skills.

Improve the process.

Get others involved to help you.

4. Move On.

This is where most people struggle. Once you’ve identified what to change, keep, and/or stop doing, then continuing to punish yourself serves no purpose. It is a waste of your mental and emotional energy.

Your energy belongs in the present and not replaying something you can no longer change or redo.

Mistakes mean you’re pursuing something worthwhile

Years ago, I read a simple statement in a church bulletin that has stayed with me ever since: “Mistakes are evidence you are trying to accomplish something.”

I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I will take it one step further. If you never make mistakes worth examining, your goals probably aren’t big enough. Growth is messy. Leadership is messy. Parenting is messy. Business is messy. Competition is messy. Relationships are messy. Friendships get messy.

The people accomplishing extraordinary things are not mistake-free. Their game-changing habits and mindset allows them to look foolish, fail publicly, adjust, and keep it moving.

One final thought

Consider this, every mistake, personally or professionally, is an invitation. It is an invitation to become wiser and more skilled. It is an invitation to become more resilient. It is an invitation to become a better version of yourself.

So, the next time you miss the tackle…

Send the email with a typo…

Miss the shot…

Say the wrong thing…

Or fall short of your own expectations…

Remember this, your mistake is not your identity. It’s just information. Learn from it. Adjust.

Then move on and get ready for the next play. That’s how you get better!

• “I think Kip is really cool, and you should, too!–Kip’s Mom

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About Kip Rodgers

 

Every day, I read the headlines about athletes who struggle and end up making poor choices. Memorable headlines include Junior Seau and Johnny Manziel. Recent headlines include the horrific abuse in USA Gymnastics and the suicide of a D1 quarterback at Washington State.

The banners I read show athletes get arrested, released, benched, sustain career-ending injuries, and get taken advantage of by others. And, on occasion, an athlete makes the drastic choice to take their life leaving behind stunned teammates, family, friends, and fans.

This drives me. It wakes me up every day with purpose. Why? At 15, I was one of those athletes contemplating suicide…

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