How Do You Define Sucess?
When I ask new clients about their goals, I often hear, “I want to be successful and happy.”
That response begs the question: How do you define success?
Guess what happens next?
Many people pause. They do not know what to say. I find this curious, and quite honestly, a little sad. They spend so much time pursuing success, yet they have not stopped to consider what it actually means.
After the pause, I hear common answers such as getting into a good school, making varsity, earning good grades, receiving a scholarship, winning a tournament, landing a great job, securing an NIL deal, or making loads of money.
What do all these things have in common? These are all outcomes. They are positions, rank, titles, and tangible items.
Here me out, there is nothing wrong with wanting to achieve these things. Goals give us direction and can motivate us to grow. The trouble comes when we measure our success only by the results we achieve.
Outcome goals do not tell the whole story
Imagine an athlete who wins a tournament but tears down teammates along the way. Is that success?
Or how about the student who earns a scholarship but has no time for meaningful relationships?
The professional who makes a great living but is disconnected from family and faith?
What about the athlete who does not win but competes with courage, demonstrates discipline, supports teammates, and learns how to respond to disappointment?
The outcome matters. But so does the person you become while pursuing it.
A different definition of success
Rarely do I hear someone define success as improving their character, building healthy relationships, developing life skills, spending meaningful time with family, growing in faith, knowing God more intimately, or making sure their parents know how much they are appreciated.
Years from now, however, those things may matter far more than a particular score, title, or paycheck. Nearly no one wishes for more time working on their death bed. They want more time with family and dear friends.
Take a closer look at what matters more
- Write down your top three goals or results
- Ask yourself: “If I achieve these, what will they give me?” (think tangible things such as a ring and intangible things such as the skill of discipline)
- Then ask: “Who do I want to become as I pursue these goals?”
Focus on what you can do
It is natural to focus on winning and outcomes. Athletes compete to win that ring or trophy. Students work diligently for the GPA. Professionals strive for monetary results. But when we become consumed by these titles and prestige, we often lose sight of the people and process which matters more.
An athlete cannot control a competitor’s performance, a coach’s decision, or official rulings. All these impact outcomes. Athletes can focus on confidence, managing emotions, technical preparation, effort, attitude, improvement, regulating thoughts, and how they respond to a mistake.
Consider this success shift:
- Instead of “I have to win,” ask, “What does this moment require of me?”
- Instead of “I need to make varsity,” ask, “What skill can I improve today?”
- Instead of “I cannot make a mistake,” ask, “How will I respond when I do?”
Sports psychology research shows emphasizing learning, effort, and mastery of skills leads to more winning. Winning is the natural outcome of focusing on your process and increasing your proficiency in the physical, technical, mental, and tactical aspects of your sport.
Pick process goals instead of outcome goals:
- Identify a step, sequence, or routine 100% in your control which you can practice consistently this week
- Make goals specific enough to know whether you followed through and achieved it
- Evaluate your practices and competitive performance on a regular basis
- Keep a training journal for evaluating physical, technical, mental, and tactical success
Build your team of support
Success is not meant to be a solo pursuit. And high level goals or outcomes are never achieved in isolation. The people who encourage us, challenge us, pray for us, and walk alongside us are part of what makes life meaningful and the process worth doing whether we achieve our goals or not. This is the stuff that matters and you remember.
We often assume those people know how much they matter. But be honest, when did you last tell your coach or parents how grateful you are for their support and sacrifices?
The photo of the last time I held my father’s hand before he passed reminds me how precious those moments are as life quickly goes by. My dad was present for my gymnastics meets. I can still hear his joyful voice as MC of our home competitions. And, I still have the big poster board card of congrats he made after I won my first meet.
Achievements may fill a résumé, but relationships fill a life.
Invest in your success team
- Thank a parent, mentor, coach, or friend for the specific way they supported you
- Put your phone away and give someone your full attention
- Be available for a family meal, a conversation, or a simple check-in
- Reach out to someone you have been meaning to reconnect with
More meaningful success guide
If faith is important to you, success includes making time to know God more intimately and allowing Christ to shape your choices. If family matters to you, success includes being present with the people you love. If you value growth, it means practicing discipline and accountability even when progress feels slow.
These priorities do not have to compete with your outcome goals, they simply guide the way you pursue them.
Choose one small success step
- Set aside a few minutes each day for prayer or reflection
- Keep one commitment you have been putting off
- Ask someone you trust to hold you accountable
- At the end of the day, name one way you grew or encouraged someone else
So, how do you define success?
Yes, dream big and pursue the dream. Pray and listen to how God is leading you. Go ahead and name the outcomes you want—the scholarship, the championship, the job, or the opportunity. AND, as you do, remember to build your character, invest in relationships, grow your faith, and master the process of daily steps necessary to move you forward.
This is a definition of success you can begin living today and leads to a life of no regret come THE day you leave this physical life.
Anne ‘Kip’ Rodgers, MA, LPC-S, CHPC
Mental Performance Coaching & Training
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