Strength: Train Towards It

The climate of the counseling profession is changing. Many train and affirm towards dependence rather than strength towards wellbeing. To be honest, there are a plethora of horrible therapists out there who are doing more harm than good. Instead of training clients towards strength and better decision-making, many in the mental health field are fostering dependence through supporting a client’s erroneous beliefs and behavior.

I see this trend in therapy, but I also see it in parenting, coaching, teaching, and the medical community. We are fostering generations of mentally weak people rather than strong, resilient people. We are accommodating based on feelings not facts. This fosters weakness rather than strength in understanding an individual's ability to reason and use common sense.

Explanations NOT excuses

Examining a client’s past and exploring their childhood trauma, their experiences, and their relationships often provide needed insight and knowledge—this generates explanations NOT EXCUSES to harmful beliefs and behavior. Childhood wounds do NOT justify injurious behavior towards self or others as an adult.

Hear me out. Just because you had an alcoholic and/or violent parent does not mean you are destined to become an addict and/or rage at your children or spouse. You do not have to repeat what was role modeled to you. You can overcome and have a healthy, vibrant life.

Childhood (16+) is over! If you are 16 or older, this piece of knowledge is for you: you are now a self-aware human being. You have a choice to manage your emotions, regulate your thoughts, and behave appropriately no matter what your circumstances. This IS the definition of mental strength. Therapists, parents, coaches, and teachers train or should be training you towards that strength.

Train your emotions

Sit with your emotions. Identify them. Figure out the problematic beliefs, motives, and thoughts which generate tough negative feelings leading to damaging behavior.

As mental health professionals, we train you to control your reactions and judgements. For example, you are not dependent on others to ‘feel good.’ You are not dependent on others to believe in yourself. Think about it. You do not control others. If someone is angry, you cannot snap your fingers and say, ‘be happy.’ Similarly, other people cannot give you ‘belief in yourself.’ Again, it is a choice you make.

You cannot demand others not offend you or make you mad. Your life is your responsibility. Depending on others to feel good or believe in yourself is dangerous territory. Other people are not responsible for how you feel. They do not have this superpower to control your emotional and mental well-being.

Here is the reality of life. Other people are not ‘always’ going to help you, affirm you, and ‘make you feel better.’ You manage your emotions. You don’t like feeling angry or sad, good thing you are not dependent on people to feel good. Train towards strength. Do the work to regulate your thoughts so you produce different feelings

When you get triggered

Triggers are now your responsibility. Other people only offend you when you let them. World literature, city statues, art, comedians, and even politicians cannot insult you. If you grew up in the 70’s and 80’s like I did, we had these celebrity roasts that by today’s standards are brutal. We had comedians such as Richard Pryor, Bob Newhart, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, Robin Williams, and Eddie Murphy who would be cancelled in today’s sensitive culture.

Being a victim of your past or people is your choice. Your past may explain your expectations and behavior, but it does not excuse. Train towards mental strength. If you are hurting self and/or others in your life, then level up. You want to stop addiction, intense anger, an eating disorder, ADHD, anxiety, depression, fears in communicating, then do the work and overcome. Use your superpower ability to choose.

Head over to Parenting Athletes tab for a list of books and resources to help you train towards strength.