We have a LIFE SKILLS Crisis (NOT a Mental Health Crisis)

Headlines let you know we have a ‘mental health’ crisis in our youth today, but I contend we have a 'life skills' crisis instead. More than likely, you have first-hand knowledge and experience with this crisis. Statistically everyone reading this knows a young person who is struggling with some kind of mental health struggle. Perhaps it is close to home, and your child is fighting with anxiety, depression, and/or some other kind of psychiatric diagnosis or mental health issue.

Most of the time, these mental health issues are generated by a variety of factors. The leading contributor to these struggles focuses on poor sleep, poor hydration, and poor nutrition. (While these are also life skills in an of themselves, that is not the focus of this article. See previous blogs about this.)

The goal to ‘be happy’

Another common yet unrecognized contributor to mental health weakness includes parents focusing on a child’s happiness and improving their self-esteem. Yes, focusing on happiness and making sure kids ‘feel good’ can generate mental health issues including depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, and ADD/ADHD.

How come? Kids are trained for the next ‘hit’ of happiness and positive self-esteem rather than taking care of responsibilities, gaining life skills, and doing hard things. While often meant for good by parents, the focus on ‘being happy’ creates student-athletes who think something is wrong with them if they are not happy, feel sad, angry, or anxious.

The better goal of life skills

Focusing on teaching kids life skills and competency generates humans who manage their emotions, regulate their behavior, and contribute to the family, their team, and school community. Reality requires life skills and many of these skills are best learned while participating in recreation and/or competitive sports — here are a few:

1. Self-regulation and emotional control

• Managing frustration, anxiety, and pressure when learning and competing
• Performing with fear, nerves, self-doubt, embarrassment
• Recovering emotionally after mistakes or losses
• Managing thoughts after mistakes or getting yelled at by a teammate or coach

Real life skill transfer: stress management, emotional maturity, resilience in high pressure jobs and relationships, regulating thoughts

2. Discipline and work ethic

• Showing up consistently
• Delaying gratification by training now, reward later, if ever
• Doing hard things when motivation is low

Real life skill transfer: academic success in doing things not wanting to do, career consistency, personal responsibility, objectivity over feelings

3. Goal Setting

• Set and pursue short and long-term goals
• Focus on controllables of effort, preparation, attitude, mistake recovery
• Break big outcomes into daily actionable steps

Real life skill transfer: career planning, financial/retirement planning, healthy daily habits to show up to work and relationships with best self

4. Resilience and adversity tolerance

• Learn to keep going through failure, losses, injuries, and setbacks
• Manage through unfair calls and uncontrollable outcomes such as who starts and does not start
• Bounce back quickly from mistakes

Real life skill transfer: grit, perseverance, adaptability in real-world situations with challenging people and decisions

5. Accountability and ownership

• Take responsibility for preparation and performance
• Accept feedback even if blunt, direct, and assertive
• Understand actions have consequences

Real life skill transfer: showing up and doing a job with credibility, reliability, and maturity

6. Communication skills

• Learn to give and receive feedback
• Listen to authority and peers
• Communicate under stress
• Resolve conflict with teammates, coaches, and parents
• Problem solve with teammates, coaches, and parents

Real life skill transfer: collaboration in the workplace, conflict resolution ability, personal and professional problem-solving skills

7. Teamwork and role acceptance

• Put collective goals above individual goals and ego
• Accept roles that may not be glamorous
• Trust others and be trustworthy to do your job

Real life skill transfer: healthy ego leading to healthy relationships, organizational effectiveness, leadership development

8. Confidence built through competence

• Belief in self earned through hard work and preparation
• Real confidence established in belief can figure things out not feelings associated with self-esteem
• Identity rooted in effort not outcomes or achievements

Real life skill transfer: strong decision-making focused on working hard, assertive but not mean, leadership of self and others through role modeling belief in preparation

9. Time management

• Balance training, school, work, rest, and relationships
• Competing demands with limited time
• Setting boundaries to prioritize goals

Real life skill transfer: productivity, boundary setting, sacrifice to achieve goals, adult-life balance to manage responsibilities and forego selfish desires

10. Ethics, integrity, and sportsmanship

• Playing fair rather than taking short cuts
• Respect for rules, officials, teammates, coaches, parents, and opponents
• Winning with character and losing with dignity

Real life skill transfer: moral decision-making based on high standards, long-term reputation, respect for authority

11. Lifelong learning

• Receiving instruction without defensiveness
• Adjusting behavior based on feedback
• Staying curious and growth-minded

Real life skill transfer: career growth, adaptability, coachability, humility, continuing to develop and improve

12. Identity development

• Learn who they are under pressure
• Separate performance outcomes from performance controllables
• Explore spiritual beliefs and value system driving decision-making

Real life skill transfer: healthy self-concept, defined purpose beyond self, understanding of belonging

Put kids to work at home

These skills also come from putting your kids to work at home and making sure they have responsibilities that are age appropriate. As they can walk, kids need responsibilities to ‘feel good’ about themselves and gain confidence. Without responsibility, parents can cripple the confidence of their children.

The natural outcome of this work emphasis IS CONFIDENCE and a HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM. You cannot ‘give’ your kids esteem and confidence. They choose to believe in self from gaining the life skills they need the rest of their lives! And this is where mental training and sport psychology using Braincode can make the difference. This is a customized approach to life and mental skills your son or daughter need based on sport even position within a sport. Athletes do not automatically learn these life and mental skills. They learn best when coaches, parents, athletes, and systems are intentional about teaching and modeling them.